i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
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oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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