either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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