Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just had sex bonerless
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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