Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
