i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
