I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
