Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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