I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
