Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
