I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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