____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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