Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
