Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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