OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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