im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
