Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
