the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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