It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
