this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
