Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Do vagina's smell?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
