i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
