Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
