I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
