Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
