Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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