and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
