my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
