If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
