It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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