You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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