Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
sarcasm needs its own font
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
