So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
