I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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