Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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