i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
