I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
