he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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