I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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