This house was built for laser tag.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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