2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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