I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
