Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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