ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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