Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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