so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
