I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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