South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
