what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
