Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
