Your tits are I can't wait for
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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