don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
