Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
