My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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