My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
