don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
high people should be assigned attendants
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
