can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
