whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
