And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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