we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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