Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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