I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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