My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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