I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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