If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
