I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we're making bets on your personal life
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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