Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
