38 yer olds are good kisserssss
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
