I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
