If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
