**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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