The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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