never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
