Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
