well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
