she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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