I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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