Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
