My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
smell my finger.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
