She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
