maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
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Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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