I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
