u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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