Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
