You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
