she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
