The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
