Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
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I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
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Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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