Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Well I just put wine in my tea
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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