Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
