OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
