Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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