This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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