I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You smell like stripper and shame
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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